Watching someone you love suffer while refusing help is one of the most painful and helpless positions you can be in. Whether it’s your child, partner, sibling, or close friend, witnessing the emotional, behavioral, or cognitive changes brought on by mental illness can feel overwhelming, especially when the person you’re concerned about doesn’t believe they need help.
In this blog post, we’ll discuss how to help someone who doesn’t want help, reasons why they might not want help yet, and how to navigate situations dealing with psychosis. Knowing this information can ease feelings of helplessness, give you practical ways to respond, and help you feel more confident and hopeful in supporting your loved one.
Why People With Mental Illness May Refuse Help
Before you can effectively offer support, it helps to understand why someone might reject it. A person might deny the help they need for many reasons, even when they’re clearly struggling.
Here are a few:
1. Stigma and Shame
Despite growing awareness around mental health, stigma still lingers. Your loved one might fear being labeled “mentally unstable” or worry about what others will think. For many people, asking for help feels like admitting weakness or failure, which can be difficult to come to terms with, especially for those who pride themselves on being strong or independent.
2. Denial or Anosognosia
Some people truly don’t believe they’re unwell. In some cases, this is due to anosognosia: a condition commonly associated with disorders like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder that prevents someone from recognizing their own mental illness. This isn’t stubbornness or denial in the traditional sense; it’s a neurological symptom.
3. Fear of Treatment
The idea of therapy, medication, or hospitalization can be frightening, especially if you aren’t aware of the treatment options available. Misconceptions fueled by media or past negative experiences can cause someone to avoid treatment altogether. They may worry about side effects, being judged, or losing autonomy.
4. Lack of Trust
Sometimes people who need help the most have also experienced trauma, abuse, or neglect. As a result, they may find it hard to trust others, including doctors, therapists, caregivers, and even family members. If they’ve been let down in the past, the idea of reaching out might feel too risky.
Understanding these root causes doesn’t make the situation easier, but it can help you approach your loved one with greater patience and clarity.
5. Financial or Practical Barriers
Even if someone wants help, the cost of therapy, medication, or hospitalization can feel overwhelming. Insurance limitations, lack of local providers, or long waitlists can make professional care seem out of reach. This can lead people to avoid seeking help entirely.
6. Cultural or Family Beliefs
In some cultures or family systems, mental illness isn’t openly discussed, or it’s seen as something to hide. People may avoid help because they’ve been taught to “push through,” rely on faith alone, or keep problems within the family.
7. Fear of Change
Accepting help often means making big lifestyle changes—altering routines, confronting painful emotions, or giving up coping habits (like alcohol, drugs, or isolation). Even when someone knows they’re struggling, the fear of the unknown can outweigh the discomfort they’re already living with.
How to Help Someone With Mental Illness Who Doesn’t Want Help
While you may not be able to force someone into treatment (except in emergencies), there are several ways to offer emotional support while maintaining your own well-being.
1. Start With a Compassionate Conversation
Choose a calm moment to express your concern. Use “I” statements such as, “I’ve noticed you’ve been really withdrawn lately, and I’m worried about you.” Avoid accusations or ultimatums, which can trigger defensiveness. Instead, ask open-ended questions like, “How have you been feeling lately?” or “Is there anything that’s been weighing on you?”
Be ready to listen, and really listen, without judgment. Just feeling seen and heard can be a turning point for someone who’s been suffering in silence.
2. Offer Gentle Encouragement
If your loved one isn’t ready to talk to a therapist, suggest a self-assessment as a first step. Reputable tools like the Mental Health America screening tests can help someone better understand what they’re experiencing in a non-threatening, private way.
Sometimes people respond more openly to factual, objective information rather than personal appeals, especially if they feel cornered or judged.
3. Educate Yourself
Even if they’re not ready to learn about their condition, you can take the initiative. Learning about the symptoms, treatment options, and communication strategies for specific disorders (like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or psychosis) can empower you to be a more effective advocate and emotional support system.
It’s also important to learn how culture, religion, or family beliefs might shape how your loved one views mental health. In some communities, mental illness is seen as something to hide, or treatment may be misunderstood or stigmatized. Understanding these dynamics helps you approach conversations in respectful and supportive ways, rather than unintentionally pushing against deeply held values.
Organizations like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), Mental Health America, and The Meadows offer helpful resources for families and caregivers.
4. Model Acceptance and Patience
Let your loved one know that you care about them unconditionally, whether or not they’re seeking treatment right now. Statements like “I’m here for you, no matter what,” or “You’re not alone in this” can go a long way in building trust.
It’s okay to express your concerns, but avoid repeated pressure to “get help” if they’re not ready, even if you’re frustrated. Pushing too hard can actually deepen resistance.
5. Set Boundaries to Protect Your Own Well-Being
It’s easy to get so focused on helping someone else that you neglect yourself. Setting clear boundaries prevents burnout, resentment, and enablement. For example, you can let them know you’re available to listen, but you may need to step away if conversations become aggressive or emotionally draining. Boundaries show care while also preserving your own stability.
6. Encourage Small, Practical Steps
Treatment doesn’t have to mean immediately entering therapy or taking medication. Suggest manageable steps, like journaling feelings, joining a peer support group, or even walking together outside. Small wins can make the idea of formal help less overwhelming.
7. Explore Practical Solutions Together
Sometimes the biggest barriers to care are practical ones—like cost, access, or fear of change. Offer to help your loved one look into options that make treatment feel less overwhelming. This could include:
- Researching sliding-scale therapists, community clinics, or nonprofit programs.
- Finding culturally competent providers who understand their background and values.
- Exploring gradual steps, like support groups or online resources, instead of diving straight into therapy or medication.
Working side by side on these solutions can help your loved one feel less alone and more supported in finding help that actually fits their needs.
8. Know When Professional or Emergency Help Is Needed
Sometimes waiting isn’t safe. If your loved one is expressing suicidal thoughts, engaging in self-harm, or showing signs of being a danger to themselves or others, immediate professional intervention is necessary. Knowing crisis resources like the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (988 in the U.S.) gives you a clear plan for urgent situations.
In some cases, inpatient treatment may be the safest option because it provides 24/7 care and monitoring. For less urgent situations — when someone is struggling but not in immediate danger — outpatient treatment can offer structured support while allowing them to stay at home. Understanding the different levels of care available will help you find the one best for your loved one.
What If They Still Refuse Help?
It’s heartbreaking, but sometimes a person isn’t ready to accept help, no matter how much love and support you offer. This can leave caregivers and family members feeling powerless and deeply frustrated. Here’s how to take care of yourself in the meantime:
1. Know Your Limits
Unless your loved one poses a danger to themselves or others, you can’t legally force them into treatment. (In emergency situations, you may need to contact a crisis line or law enforcement trained in mental health response.)
Accepting that you are not in control of their choices can be painful, but it’s also freeing. Your role is to support, not to save.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries
You can love someone and still say “No.” “No.” is a complete sentence.
Boundaries might mean not engaging in arguments, refusing to enable unhealthy behavior, or stepping away from toxic dynamics for your own mental health.
Clearly communicate your limits with love. For example: “I care about you deeply, but I can’t continue to lend you money if you’re not taking steps to get support.”
3. Get Support for Yourself
Being the emotional anchor for someone who is mentally ill can be draining. That’s why caregivers and family members must seek support themselves.
Therapy, support groups like NAMI Family Support, or even just talking to trusted friends can offer validation and relief. You deserve space to process your emotions, too.
4. Practice Self-Care
Eat well. Sleep. Move your body. Laugh when you can. Take breaks from heavy conversations.
Caring for someone else is hard enough. Don’t neglect your own needs in the process.
When you prioritize your well-being, you also model healthy behaviors and coping skills, which can gently inspire change in your loved one.
How to Help Someone in Psychosis Who Doesn’t Want Help
Supporting someone in psychosis can feel overwhelming, especially if they resist treatment. While you can’t force them to accept help unless it’s an emergency, you can respond in ways that keep them safe, respected, and more open to future care.
Know the Symptoms of Psychosis
Psychosis affects how a person interprets reality. Recognizing the signs helps you respond with understanding instead of fear. Common symptoms include:
- Hallucinations – seeing, hearing, or sensing things others don’t
- Delusions – strong false beliefs that don’t match reality
- Disorganized thinking – difficulty following a conversation or expressing thoughts clearly
- Confused speech or behavior – jumping topics, agitation, or unusual actions
- Withdrawal – avoiding friends, family, or usual activities
Stay Calm
Your reaction can influence how safe or threatened they feel. Try not to argue, get defensive, or take anything they say personally. Staying calm and composed creates stability in an otherwise disorienting moment.
Focus On How They’re Feeling
Arguing about whether their experience is “real” won’t help and can increase distress. Instead, focus on empathy. Try saying, “That must feel scary” or “It sounds overwhelming” rather than, “That’s not real.” This validates their emotions without reinforcing or dismissing their beliefs.
Subtly Encourage Medical Evaluation
If you suggest treatment directly, they may resist. A softer approach can make the idea feel less threatening. Frame it around general health, such as: “Maybe a doctor could help with your sleep or stress.” This shifts the focus away from psychosis while still opening the door to professional help.
Help Them Feel Safe
Psychosis can be frightening and isolating. Make sure their environment feels secure and calm. Speak gently, minimize loud noises or sudden movements, and avoid crowding them. If possible, gently redirect them to grounding activities like deep breathing, stepping outside for fresh air, or focusing on familiar, soothing objects.
Have a Plan for Emergencies
Psychosis can sometimes become dangerous, especially if your loved one is a risk to themselves or others. In those cases, immediate action is necessary. Helpful resources include:
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – for urgent mental health crises in the U.S.
- SAMHSA National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) – for treatment referrals and information
- Local crisis hotlines or mobile crisis teams – many communities have dedicated mental health response services
911 should be called only if someone is actively a danger to themselves or others. If you do call 911, let them know clearly that this is a mental health emergency so they can respond appropriately.
Find Support to Get Through Mental Health Crises Together
For nearly 50 years, The Meadows has supported individuals and families impacted by mental illness, trauma, and addiction. Our compassionate, experienced staff understands how overwhelming this journey can be, not just for those in crisis, but for the caregivers and family members trying to help.
Whether your loved one is ready for treatment or you’re simply looking for emotional support and professional guidance, we’re here to walk beside you.
Reach Out Today
If you or someone you care about is struggling, don’t wait for things to hit rock bottom. Contact us today to explore mental health treatment options, ask questions, or just talk through what’s happening. Sometimes the first step isn’t theirs… It’s yours.
Helping Someone with Mental Illness FAQs
When is it time to walk away from someone with mental illness who refuses help?
If the relationship becomes emotionally or physically harmful, or your mental health is suffering, it may be time to step back. You can still care about someone while choosing to protect your own peace.
What are encouraging words for someone with mental illness?
Sometimes, the right words can make all the difference. It’s about offering comfort, reassurance, and recognizing their effort in seeking help and healing.
Here are a few supportive phrases:
- “Every step, no matter how small, counts.”
- “You’re doing the best you can, and that matters.”
- “It’s okay to take things one day at a time.”
- “Healing isn’t linear, and you’re making progress.”
- “Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.”
- “You’re not defined by your struggles, and you deserve support.”
What are signs that someone may need mental health help even if they deny it?
Look for changes in mood, behavior, sleep, or appetite, as well as signs of paranoia, hopelessness, or social withdrawal. These may indicate the need for professional support even if the person doesn’t recognize it.
Can you force someone to get mental help if they don’t want it?
In most states, treatment can only be forced if the person is a danger to themselves or others. In those cases, emergency intervention or involuntary commitment may be deemed necessary.
How to explain mental illness to someone who doesn’t understand it?
Here’s a clear, compassionate way to frame it, depending on who you’re talking to and how much they know:
Start With a Simple Comparison
One of the easiest ways to explain mental illness is to compare it to physical illness. For example:
“Mental illness is like any other health condition. Just like someone with diabetes needs help managing their blood sugar, someone with anxiety or depression may need support managing how their brain works.”
“It’s not a weakness or a choice — it’s something happening in the brain that can affect mood, thoughts, and behavior.”
This helps remove blame and makes it easier for someone to see it as a health issue, not a character flaw.
Describe How It Affects Daily Life
You can also explain it through its impact:
“Mental illness can make ordinary things—like getting out of bed, going to work, or talking to people—feel much harder than they should.”
“It’s not about being lazy or dramatic; it’s about struggling with something you can’t see from the outside.”
Normalize the Range of Conditions
Some people think “mental illness” only refers to severe conditions. You can help broaden their perspective:
“Mental illness can be mild, moderate, or severe. It includes things like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and bipolar disorder. Some people need long-term treatment, while others only need short-term support.”
Emphasize That Help Works
Ending on a hopeful note shows that recovery is possible:
“With the right support—whether that’s therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, or community—people can and do feel better. Millions of people live fulfilling lives with mental health conditions.”
